What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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