3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
my shit smells like andre
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
