So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
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and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
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You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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