just tell him i said nine months
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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