You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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