I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
