dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
