We're facebook friends in real life
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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