i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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