At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
