i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
