drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
