Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
