In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
