Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
my sisters under your porch take her home
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
