I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
