shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
My ass is underappreciated
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
