This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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