Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
