This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
