I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
