just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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