dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm just crazy horny about you
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
