Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
