YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize