I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
