the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
