I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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