reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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