It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
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