so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
