He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
