Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
