theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
