i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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