i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
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