Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
pray to the hookup gods
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
