I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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