booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
