What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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