Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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