It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
