Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
