I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
