Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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