I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
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