she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
