He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
