I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
