peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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