i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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