i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
