You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
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This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
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Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
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