Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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