I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
