It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
