i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
