I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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