Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
