I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
