u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Randomize
