I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
