haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
