How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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