I smell stomach acid.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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