i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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