Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
