I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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