omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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