i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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